SEX AND FASTING

PART 1​​
As soon as I cleared out the dinner table, I went into the
bedroom, not bothering to say goodnight to Kenny in the living
room. I knew he was going to be coming to bed soon enough. I
needed him to think I was fast asleep by the time he came to
bed. I quickly got into the bathroom and had a quick shower
before climbing into bed...
I made sure I put on my long pyjamas so there was no way he
could have easy access to my body. About an hour later when I
heard him climb into bed and turn the other way, I finally let out
the breath I was holding. I managed to escape the sex tonight...
By the time I woke up the next morning, I knew we were going to
have another round of noise and fight and I quickly said a silent
prayer to God for strength. I could feel his hand roaming round
my body relentlessly and there was no doubt in my mind what
the expected end result to be. I opened my eyes and took a
glimpse at the clock on the wall. It was just 6.am. I turned and
removed his hands from my body and tried to get up only to be
pulled back. By the third time of going through the same motion,
he finally spoke up...
''Babe, what is the excuse today? It has been 2 weeks for Christ
sake. How am I supposed to be happy if you won't even have
sex with me?'' He said with obvious frustration in his voice...
''So your happiness is now tied to sex? You still don't get it do
you? I am doing this for us. For our home and our future. I told
you before I started that this was going to happen and you
agreed and now you want to make me feel guilty. Seriously I am
confused...''
''Omololami, you know I am not opposed to prayer and fasting. I
love God too and I go to church but you cannot honestly expect
me not to have sex for the next 100 days just because you want
to fast...''
I was so angry at that statement and I flared up,
''Seriously Kenny, are you kidding me right now? What happened
to self control? This just shows how far you have fallen from the
faith. Is this not the same you that used to fast with me all the
time before we got married? So all that spirituality was a lie? Did
we not court for two years without sex? So you must have been
cheating on me...''
''What? How can you say that? Are you crazy? How can you even
compare both scenarios? I was single then now I am married.
Why did I get married if I can't have sex...?''
''Oh so now I am a sex machine? You married me for the sex?'' I
asked...
''You know what, I wont waste my time having this fruitless
conversation with you. I am warning you for the last time. I wont
take this your fasting bullshit and you will learn to respect me in
this house. If this is the rubbish they are teaching you in church, I
will ban you from going there...''
''You wont dare Kehinde Ayorinde. You will not dare. If I ever have
to choose between you and my God, trust me, you will loose. It
is God first and you second. That devil that is trying to use you,
will not find a place...''
''Try me, Lola, just try me'' he said as he walked into the
bathroom and slammed the door...
I walked out of the room and went into the kitchen heartbroken.
As I went about making Kenny's lunch that he usually takes to
work I was so sad. I didn't understand Kenny's bitterness
towards my relationship with God. I didn't expect to have these
kind of issues just 6 months after marriage. He knew how much I
loved God and how much that relationship means to me and he
was proving so difficult. We even talked about this while we were
courting and he used to tell me how much he loved my passion
for God. We have tried getting pregnant for the past 5 months
and nothing has happened and I knew I needed to tackle it in
prayer before 5 months turned to 15 years and I told him I
decided to join the 100 days fast in church. Initially, he had
agreed to join me but 3 days after he stopped....
I didn't get offended. I decided to do the prayers myself, I just
did not expect him to be so bitter about it. As I finished packing
his lunch about 30 minutes later, Kenny came out fully dressed
and just walked past me without picking up his food as usual. I
quickly ran after him and caught up with him just as he was
getting into his car...
''You didn't take your food'' I said.
''Take that rubbish food and get out of my sight. I don't want your
food, now or ever until you learn to respect me and until you
decide what is more important to you'' he said and slammed the
door, driving away while I stood there mouth agape...
We had a lot of disagreements over sex in the last two weeks
but I had never seen Kenny so bitter before. I knew there and
then I needed to pray for my home. Casting out every demon that
suddenly possessed my husband.…....TO BE CONTINUED
PART TWO (Battle 2)
As soon as Kehinde left for work, I decided to take his matter to
God in prayer. I went on my knees and was lost in prayer for the
next four hours.
”Father, defend me in my marriage, cast out every demon that
has possessed my husband’s heart”. Proverbs 21:1 says, “The
king’s heart is in the hand of the lord, he turns it whichever way.
Oh God turn my husband’s heart away from sex and all things of
the flesh during these 100 days of fasting, in the name of Jesus.
Towards the end of my prayer, I suddenly got an inspiration from
the Holy Spirit on what to do next.
There was no point trying to tell Kenny he could not have sex
with me, I only had to use wisdom to avoid it by doing things
that will not even get him interested. So I decided not to have my
bath the whole of that day. I knew how much Kenny liked me
bathing and all clean. By the time he got home around 7pm that
day, I made sure dinner was ready. I could not have been more
wrong because another argument ensued as soon as he came in
through the door.
”Madam, have you sorted out your issues yet?” he said.
”What issues Kenny? Please come and have your dinner”.
”Did you think I was joking? Did you think not taking your bath will
work on me? Or you did you think I will not know you enough to
know that not taking your bath is a tactic to avoid sex?”
I was quite shocked and kind of speechless that he immediately
realized what my plan was.
”Kenny, please be understanding. I need to consecrate myself to
God”. I resorted to begging instead.
”Lola, get it straight, I am not asking you not to fast. What is
wrong with having sex between 6pm that you break your fast and
midnight that the next day starts? That is all I am asking” he tried
to negotiate.
”I am sorry Kenny, I don’t believe that is good enough. I am
supposed to be consecrated for 100 days. Having sex during that
time just makes me feel unclean”. I explained.
”What is unclean about sex between husband and wife babe? It is
totally biblical”
”See Kenny, you just need to be patient. I have just 85 days left
and then we can go back to doing the dirty”.
”Let me tell you something Lola, this is the last time I will have
this discussion with you. If you cannot find a way to balance your
marriage and fasting, then you just might not have a marriage to
come back to after your 100 days”.
”What do you mean by that Kenny? God forbid such confession?”
I said immediately.
Kenny left me standing there and went into the room. My surprise
was complete later that night when he moved most of his things
to the guest room. I was going to beg him but I just later
decided it was for the best if he stayed in the guest room for the
next 85 days. This was probably God’s way of creating a solution
for me. I went on my knees that night and sang in gratitude to
God for making a way for me where I thought there was none.
By day 60 of my fasting and prayer, I was officially frustrated.
The joy and excitement I got from fasting and prayer had gone.
Kenny and I had become total strangers in the house. He had not
eaten my food in over 6 weeks and I was officially worried. He
had started coming home quite late and we did not even talk
anymore. Every time I tried to talk to him, he just shut me out.
We both went to work and came back and went into separate
rooms. I did not even know where to start from. I knew for a fact
I had not done anything wrong and was just doing the best for
our marriage and I wondered constantly why Kenny was so
blinded by unreasonable rage. I wondered where all the promises
of not going to bed in anger went.
I finally reached the end of my rope that week when I got a text
from him around 8pm saying,
”Don’t wait up for me. I wont be coming home tonight”.
I could not believe my eyes and I immediately sent him a text
saying,
” Where are you? Why wont you come home?”
His reply made me burst into tears. ”Please ask the holy spirit to
reveal it to you in prayer”.
My marriage is in trouble.
PART 3.....
I decided that night that I had had enough of Kenny's erratic
behaviour and we needed counselling. I waited for him to come
home the next morning but he never showed up. I called him
around noon when I was getting worried but he did not pick my
call. I got a text shortly after saying,
''I am quite surprised you are looking for me. Don't worry, I am
fine. Don't let me distract you from God''.
I decided it was time to seek counsel from my pastor's wife.
As I sat down with Mummy as we normally call her that evening
after a word of prayer and recounted the full story of our
challenges from the beginning of the fasting period. I was quite
hopeful that I will get solutions on the next step to take. Mummy
looked at me and shook her head as I showed her the last text I
got from Kenny from my phone.
''Sister Lola, what does the Bible say about our parents and
honour?''
''Honour your father and mother, that your days might be long'' I
quickly replied wondering why we were talking about my parents
when it was my marriage that needed healing.
''Do you remember when you came to me and decided you
wanted to marry this young man who was barely a baby in the
lord. I warned you to look for giants in the spirit. If you had
honoured my words, surely the days of your marriage would have
been long'', she said with obvious annoyance.
''I am sorry mummy, I love my husband and I think he loves God
too''
''He loves God? You are still defending his actions? A man that
cannot agree with you in prayer? That will not deny his body to
feed his spirit? She asked me.
''I am sorry ma'' I quickly said. Mummy was known for her short
temper and I did not want to get on her bad side.
''Anyway the deed has been done. We need to find a way
forward. You see the devil is not resting. He is obviously seeking
to devour your marriage. Remember the scripture in Ephesians 6:
12 says, we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against
principalities, against powers and against the rulers of the
darkness of this world. The battle is not with your husband. It is a
fight in the spirit''.
''Okay ma'' I said.
''The devil knows this fast is going to liberate your marriage and
he wants to stop it at all cost. The flesh will be satisfied
eventually but you need to be spiritually fortified first. So make
sure you complete it in total consecration to God''.
''Okay ma. What do I now do about his refusal to come home
ma?''
''Oh don't worry Lola, he will come home. He is like the prodigal
son, he will surely return. Let us pray my dear''.
By the time I left my pastor's house after about two hours of
prayer. I felt stronger and better. Kenny was just over reacting
and I was definitely on the right course. I just needed to keep
praying and not let me faith be shaken. When I got home and
met Kenny relaxing in the sitting room, it confirmed to me that
everything mummy said was correct since he returned like she
had prophesied.
As the days passed things got more estranged. Kenny stopped
going to our church and demanded I move to this new church he
found. Of course I vehemently refused. It is important to be
grounded and not church belly-hopping. I got daily text
motivations from my mummy in the lord and that just encouraged
me.
Finally the last day of the 100 days came and it was announced
in church that couples should endeavour to attend together since
there was going to be an all night prayer. I begged and pleaded
with Kenny but he adamantly refused. I went to church alone that
night and prayed every prayer possible. My joy knew no bounds
the next morning because I knew that all the fight I had been n
by having with Kenny was finally going to be over. I was going to
make sure we had as much sex as he wanted that night.
Part 4
It has been a week since I finished fastened Kenny has still not
spent a single night in the house. Every morning he came home
to dress for work and didn’t come home till the next morning.
Every morning I met him at the door begging and cajoling but it
was always the same. He totally ignored me, walked past into
the guest room and walked back out once he was done changing
cloths and having his bath. Not one word was ever said in
acknowledgment.
I began to think I probably should have compromised during the
100 days. I did not expect him to take it this far. I did not even
know what plausible solution I could execute. I knew sex was a
big deal to men but it was always painful for me anyway so I
was never all excited about it. On our wedding night, when Kenny
deflowered me, I thought I was only going to feel the pain for
less than a week but it has been six months and every single
intimacy we have had was laced with very uncomfortable pain.
Chauvinist as Kenny was, he felt I was just making a mountain
out of a molehill and sex could not be as painful as I was making
it to be. Truth was if not for the sake of procreation I was
comfortable not having sex ever. The hype is definitely more than
the experience.
I finally decided that maybe some physical solution was needed
since the spiritual was not solving Kenny and I’s problem. I went
to Google that afternoon as I got home from work and searched ”
how to stop painful sex”. As soon as I finished reading of
different positions to do to ease the pain and how the pain was
coming from my mind. I made a few decisions on making sure
sex became enjoyable. Next, I Googled, ”how to seduce your
husband and I felt so uncomfortable with the sheer number of
unholy things I discovered. I decided to take a bold step and put
some things I found to practice to ensure Kenny finally stayed
home for the night. As alien as it felt, I typed some steamy texts
I found online to Kenny at one hour interval each,
”I am burning with desire for you honey”
When I did not get any response an hour later, I sent another one
I found online,
”I can’t focus, all I can think about is what you will do to me if
you were here with me”
Still no response, I sent this 30 minutes later,
”You taught me how to make love, tonight I will show you how
much I have learnt”
I got a response after this saying,
”Please I am in a meeting with the board”
I was so happy I literally jumped up from my seat. This was the
only statement Kenny had sent to me in a week and I decided to
send more.
”Just thinking about you inside of me…”
He responded immediately,
”Stop this rubbish Omolola”
I decided I had had enough of Google and composed one text
message of my own.
”Please come home and stay tonight. I accept I was wrong. I
want to make it right and make it up to you. Please give me a
chance, I love you baby”.
He responded simply with,
”Okay”.
I was so happy and I quickly jumped up from the couch and
drove to the supermarket. I bought a new matching lingerie, a
foot massage kit and also full body massage oil. I had read on
Google that massaging the foot and body could do wonders in
pointing in the right direction. I also bought a lubricator. Google
had taught me so much. I immediately rushed home after and
prepared fried rice with plantain and peppered chicken for Kenny.
By 8pm, I was finally done and ready for him to walk in. I sat on
the sofa in my lingerie and the table was already set. I tried
calling Kenny but his phone was off so I waited.
I must have slept off on the sofa because the sound of the door
being opened woke me up the next morning at about 7am. Kenny
never showed up last night. He walked in and paused for a
minute staring at me before walking past as usual to the guest
room. I sat down in frustration and cried so hard. I was still
crying when he closed the door.
PART 5
On Saturday morning when Kenny walked into the house, I had
decided enough was enough and I was not going to pay for my
sins forever. He had no right whatsoever to keep sleeping outside
the house under the guise of anger. I was already waiting for him
and as soon as he stepped in, I just blew up,
''Where do you think you are coming from oga?'' I shouted.
He looked at me like I had suddenly grown two heads and to my
surprise he replied, ''Sunrise hotel''.
''Is that where you have been staying?'' I asked unsure. Not
expecting him to answer in the first place.
''Yes I got a room there'' he answered and looked at me, ''Is that
all? he asked.
''No, that is not all Kenny and don't make me feel stupid. You
have been sleeping outside for the past three weeks and now I
am questioning you, you're acting ignorant'' I was truly bewildered.
''Madam, you asked me where I have been and I answered you.
How am I acting ignorant?''
''Kenny, once again, I am sorry''.
''Okay I have heard. Just to be clear though, what exactly are you
sorry for?''
''Well, I am sorry for depriving you of sex and fasting without your
agreement. I am sorry for being inconsiderate of your feelings.
Please can we just go back to how we were?''
''Okay, I have heard you'' he said with a straight face.
''Kenny, please now. What else do you want me to say or do?''
''Lola I said I have heard. Please don't stress me. I want to ride
around the estate on my bicycle for a while. Is that okay?''
''Okay, that is fine. Do you promise to stay at home from today?''
I asked
''Yes, I will. So can I go change and head out now?''
I nodded and got out of his way and he immediately went to the
room and changed into his riding outfit. He always looked so
handsome in his tights and t-shirt whenever he wanted to
exercise and watching him come out of the bedroom, I went to
give him a hug half expecting him to turn me away but he gave
me a very lingering hug and left soon afterwards. I was so giddy
from the obvious reconciliation, I decided to cook something nice
for his breakfast when he returned.
A little over thirty minutes later, I got the call that changed my life
forever. With tears in my eyes not knowing what to expect, I
grabbed my car keys and rushed out of the house to the hospital
address I had been given. I still could not believe my ears that
Kenny had been in an accident. He just left home barely 30
minutes earlier. The caller was unable to give details of the
severity of the accident or what happened. As I drove out and
met with traffic, I tried calling his number back to get more
details but it was switched off. I contemplated calling family and
friends but I decided to know the status of his health before
calling anybody.
''Oh Lord, help me. You said we shall not die God, please keep
my husband. I will not be a widow in my youth oh lord.''
Words of prayer failed me. I did not even know how to pray.
Almost an hour later, I finally drove into the hospital compound
and ran inside with deep fear, not knowing what to expect........
.....to be continued.....
PART 6
About Eight hours i personally sat in the office of the doctor to
get a detailed explanation on Kenny’s condition. All I had been
told as I waited was that he was alive and he had been taken in
for ultrasound and later for surgery. The nurses refused to tell me
the severity of the accident and I had brought hell down
screaming and shouting. Eventually, I called my sister-in-law who
came to wait with me and was able to calm me down. I had to
leave the hospital briefly to use the cash machine and make
some monetary deposits but aside from that I had been unable
to drink even a drop of water.
”Mrs Ayorinde, thank you so much for your
patience” the doctor started, but I quickly cut him short
”Sir, please just go straight to the point, how is he? What
happened? What was the surgery for? Is he okay? Did the surgery
go well?”
”Madam, I will answer all your questions but I need you to relax a
bit”
”Okay, please go on” I said. ”Your husband is fine and the surgery
was
successful.
He suffered from testicular trauma as a result of the force of his
testicles on the bicycle when the accident occurred” ”Jesus
Christ!!!!! see trouble.. What do you mean
testicular trauma? He doesn’t have testicles
again? How are we supposed to have children
now?
Haaaaaaa Kenny will kill me”.
”Please relax and let’s not jump the gun here.
I didn’t say he doesn’t have testicles again.
There was just some rupture and dislocation as well and that is
why we had to do an immediate surgery. It has been successfully
fixed now and we are hopeful that there should be no cause for
infertility in the nearest future. Of course, we will advise that he
stays off sexual activity for a while until he is properly healed to
avoid him developing hernia. He should be fine within a week”.
”Okay doctor, thank you so much. So when will we be
discharged”.
”I will want to just observe him overnight to be sure he is okay.
He should be able to go home tomorrow”.
We eventually got home the next day after staying in the hospital
all night. His sister left us in the hospital later in the evening after
confirming that Kenny was okay. Kenny was withdrawn and quiet
and it felt like the cycle had started again.
It was still surreal that it was just yesterday morning we agreed to
call a truce and it felt like that did not even happen.
”Darling are you okay? I asked after he had
settled down on the bed”
”Lola, no I am not okay. You know what? I
regret marrying you. I don’t feel like the man that found a wife
and found a good thing because it’s like your sole purpose is to
cause me sorrow and sadness”. My mouth was agape.
I just did not understand the reason for such anonymity. ”You
know when I decided to marry you I had a plan. I knew what I
wanted. I wanted a woman
who will love me and make me happy. I wanted a life of joy and
happiness. I wanted to build fun memories of just the two of us
even outside the kids but I have not had any of that with you.
It’s from one problem to another. We have been married for just
9 months and already I am tired”
”Kenny, why will you say all these to me? Why?
What exactly have I done to destroy your so
called happiness so much?”
”Immediately after the wedding, it took about 2 weeks for you to
even calm down enough to let me deflower you. As soon as that
was over, you got fixated about pregnancy making sex totally
boring.
When I was talking to you about just enjoying each other and
having fun, all you did was lie down there missionary style
claiming that is the best way to get pregnant. After five months
of that, you went into your so called fasting period and now
because of all the frustration you have put me through, I went to
ride my bicycle just to vent and got into an accident? Did you
know it was because I was thinking about you that I lost
concentration? And to crown it all, it’s like the devil was trying to
crack a joke, testicular trauma?
I am tired madam” I sat there in silence not knowing what to say
and
after a while I just got angry. ”How dare you Kenny?
How can you blame me for your sadness or so called
unhappiness?
I wake up daily praying for you and this is how you repay me?
Was it not when you married me your business went from
struggling and started excelling and you dare insult me? I wont let
the devil use you more than he already has. This conversation is
over. Do whatever you want”.
I stood up from his side and walked out of the bedroom with
deep confusion in my heart. For the first time I wondered if it
would not have been better staying single.
Part 7
My conversation with Kenny made me realize he didn’t value me
as his wife and so I made a decision to give him space. I called
my mum and told her I was coming home for a week. I was able
to convince her Kenny supported my decision and I packed my
bags. I was going to go home for a week. The next morning I
told Kenny about my trip,
”I listened to everything you said and I have decided we probably
need to give each other some space. I am taking a break and
travelling to my parent’s house”. I said
Kenny shook his head, ”you should be ashamed of yourself Lola.
In fact when they call women to
stand up, you should hide your face in shame.
So you cannot take care of your home, you can’t satisfy your
husband and now rather than deal
with your problems you are running? ”Kenny, I refuse to be
insulted. I sat quietly while you heaped insults on me yesterday
but that doesn’t mean I will continue to take it.
You said my presence is causing you sorrow and now I am giving
you space. I will take the time apart
to pray for us”
”I don’t freaking need your prayers madam.
In fact, God will not answer that prayer because he has told you
everything you need to do in the Bible. Stop praying for me and
start satisfying me”.
”Ehen, so the other day, when I bought sexy lingerie and waited
for you at home, did you not leave me hanging?
You are confused and don’t
know what you want”.
”You want to go? Fine! Get the hell out but you just might not
meet this marriage when you come back”.
”Like I said, I will take the time apart to pray, God will sustain our
home” I told him emphatically.
He just shook his head and closed his eyes on the bed,
effectively ending the conversation. I packed my bags and
headed straight to the airport.
Late in the night that day, while I sat in my parent’s sitting room,
my mum was trying to get stories out of me. ”So why didn’t
Kenny take a break with you madam?”
”Mum, he is busy with work, that’s the same thing I told dad
before”.
”That doesn’t mean he should not spend a weekend with us. We
have not seen him since the wedding.”
...................To be Continued...................
FINAL EPISODE
Part 8
As soon as I felt a hand pull me by my hair, my eyes flipped
open and I was dragged into the living room to meet my mum
who was already in tears and shaking.
Five days later, I woke up once again with
screams as has been the practice since that
horrible night. My dad was immediately by my side soothing me
as the tears rolled down my face.
”It’s okay Omolola. You’re fine and safe. Daddy is here”.
”Daddy, I am afraid. Kenny has not come”.
”I know he hasn’t. I will still call him again.
Just try and get stronger first okay?”
”He hasn’t picked my calls dad. Since you told him, he has not
picked my calls once”. As my dad eventually left me alone in the
bedroom with my thoughts, I recalled that evil night as clear as
the day. I remember my dad being dragged from the bedroom
and asked to give them money. I remember the exhaustive
search for money which proved abortive as my dad and mum
only had a total of about N50,000 at home. I remember adding
the N20,000 I had in my bag and the man telling me I was
insulting him with change. As soon as I apologized, he looked at
me and really looked at me and I knew what he was going to do
before he even did it. I could see it vividly in his eyes. I begged,
”Please, I am married. I beg you” ”So what are you doing in
daddy’s house fine
girl, your husband is not servicing you well abi? I will help his
matter. He needs help”. I begged, my dad and mum begged and
his only response was because of their begging, he won’t make
them watch. I fought as hard as I could and for every struggle
there was a slap and a punch. He finally had to get the other
man to hold me down. I fought every step of the way. I was
numb. The physical pain was welcome,
I could deal with that. I couldn’t deal with the heaviness that
crushed my heart. All through as he kept thrusting faster than I
could ever imagine, I thought of Kenny and how much pain this
was going to cause him. I remember him warning me not to
make this trip. He kept going on and on for about thirty minutes
before he finally let go. Funny how he had the decency to use a
condom. I had no strength left. I was broken. For the first time
in my christian walk, I questioned God. I asked him questions.
His silence was deafening.
It has been five days since my nightmare, five days since my dad
informed Kenny, three days
since I got back home from the hospital and he still hasn’t
showed up. I have no more will left
to even live another day…… After a whole month of daily calls to
Kenny with no response, I finally gave up. I knew my marriage
was over.
I had gone through the full cycle from tears to pain in my heart to
anger to being just blank. I have finally resigned myself to fate.
Even the strength to pray had left me. I have tried interpreting
Kenny’s silence in different
ways but my conclusion was that he just didn’t love me enough
to fight for us. I sent him different text messages and not once
did he
humour me and respond. I just could not understand why a man
will be silent after hearing his wife was raped.
As always my mum walked into my bedroom that Friday
afternoon once again to ask what happened between my husband
and I.
She had soon figured out something was wrong but I
always refused to tell her. ”Lola, you know what? Your father and I
have tried.
You have stayed in our house for over a month and we have been
caring. You can’t keep saying there is nothing wrong when I have
been married for thirty five years and I know more than you”
”Mum, please I don’t have the strength to argue”. ”Okay then,
your father and I have decided you
can’t live here anymore. We will not harbour a married woman in
our home. Since you and your
husband don’t respect us enough to seek for advice. Please go
back to him or wherever you
want but you cannot stay under my roof”
. Still shocked at what she was saying, ”Mum?” ”Daughter!!! Yes?”
I finally relented. I didn’t even have a plan B.” Mum,
Kenny and I have serious problems. Our marriage is not even up
to a year and we don’t even know how to move forward”.
”Okay tell me everything”. So I sat for over an hour and told my
mum every single detail from my wedding night to the day I
left Kenny’s house. Surprisingly, my mum did not interrupt or blow
up at me. I expected her to
start screaming but her calmness amazed me. ”Heeeeeeee
Omolola, O ti ba ye je ( you have
spoilt the world)” She said in Yoruba language when I was finally
done. ”Mummy, haba! What did I do wrong?
How can Kenny just abandon me here? His love is fleeting mum,
it can’t even stand the test of time”.
I said with deep anger and disappointment.
”Hmmmmm, first of all, you are changing your church. The kind
of pastor’s wife that will give you such advise is not who you
should be listening to. Why didn’t you call me? Why did you go to
an outsider?”
”Mum, you are the one that said I should keep our matters
private”.
”Not when it is crumbling my dear, we all need help once in a
while”.
”Okay mum, what do we do now? Do you think there is any
chance for Kenny and I”.
”Of course, your father and I have had greater battles that we
have overcome. Marriage is filled
with battles, we fight, win, conquer and fight another day. We
never give up.
It only ends the day you stop fighting for it. Lola, you keep
fighting till you conquer.
There is no end. You made some terrible decisions and took
some wrong steps”.
”Mum, what about Kenny? He took a lot of wrong steps too”.
”Yes, I will face Kenny but I need to talk to you first.
I told you not to kill yourself over not having a child yet. It will
come. You shouldn’t have
fasted and deprived your husband without his full consent.
Moreso, you should have given him his marital rights between
6pm when you break your fast and midnight when the next day
starts.
You shouldn’t have run from your home without his consent and
come hide here.
To tell you the truth, it will take God for Kenny to be able
to sleep with you again. Both of you, your actions have spoilt a
lot of things.
This matter should not have generated to this level. First thing
tomorrow morning, I am going back to Abuja with you, we
are going to see your husband” True to her word, by 11 am on
Saturday, which
was the next day, we had arrived my house. As
soon as I saw Kenny’s car parked in the
compound, my heart started beating fast. I
wished he was not home even though mum had
called earlier and told him she was coming to see him. He
opened the door as soon as we were
approaching and I assumed he had seen us through the window
and prostrated, greeting my
mum in yoruba language. Kenny totally ignored me and my mum
just smiled at us.
I left them in the sitting room and went into the room.
Everything was just as I left it and my investigation as to whether
somebody else had been living with him came up empty.
I heard my mum call me from the living room and I quickly
dropped my bag and went back to join them.
”Mummy, Lola does not want to be married.
In less than a year of marriage she has shown blatant disregard
and disrespect both to me and
this home and I am sick of it. Does she think if it was another
man, he won’t have started
womanizing by now? I stayed faithful even when she refused to
be faithful to our marriage
vows”. Kenny said with so much anger. ”Please don’t threaten us
with tales of
unfaithfulness. So you want an award because
you didn’t cheat? I said. ”Keep your mouth shut Lola, just shut
up” my
mum shouted while Kenny just shook his head. I
instantly felt remorseful. I listened as my mum and Kenny started
talking. I
truly listened to his hurts and pains as he opened
up to my mum and for the first time I understood
the gravity of where we were. By the time they
started talking about the rape incident, Kenny
shed tears. He just kept quiet while tears fell from his eyes and I
was broken for both of us. ”Mummy, I warned Lola, I warned her
not to go.
I haven’t been able to get that image out of my
head ever since Daddy told me. Where do we
start from? She refused to sleep with me all in the
name of prayers and freely gave it to a thief?” ”Kenny, don’t say
she freely gave it. We all
still feel the pains of that night most especially your wife.
The pain she is still in as a result of that incident is great. She
needs a lot of time to heal”. My mum said.
”I warned her, I warned her mummy” Kenny insisted.
My mum began to talk to Kenny about us communicating better,
about understanding each
other and being quick to forgive. She spoke and fear gripped my
heart as I looked at Kenny’s face.
After so much advise from mum, Kenny began to calm down.
”Both of you need to pray, be patient and communicate” mum
said again. ”Mummy, truth be told, I am not sure if this marriage
still exists.
I don’t even know where to start with Lola” Kenny said. ”You both
start with forgiving each other and then take it one step at a time.
You start with conversations, heart to heart ones, share your
pains and fears and with time the intimacy will come and with
time you will heal”.
”Okay mummy, thank you ma.” Kenny said. About an hour later,
mum left our home in a cab,
headed to the airport for her flight back home.
She refused to stay the night despite all our pleas.
As soon as she left, I turned to Kenny to apologize
”Baby, I am sorry”.I said to Kenny as he went back to sit on the
sofa and I sat beside him.
He turned to me, ”Omololami, I am sorry too, I am sorry I wasn’t
with you during this painful period. Truth is, I don’t even know if
we can fix this”.
”We will, babe”, I said with renewed
confidence, ”we will, one day at a time”.
THE END